YOUR MARRIAGE: TOGETHER YET INDIVIDUALS

One week before my thirtieth birthday, I married Eric. He was impressive:  well-educated, well spoken, a musician and handsome. He had pursued me quietly, persistently. I loved him.

 

Two weeks after our three-day honeymoon, I was sitting on the front steps of our thirty foot mobile home we had rented from my parents. With downcast eyes, chin in hand, I asked myself, “Could I really love this man for a lifetime?”  Panic set in. What if he was not who I thought he was, no more dates, no other man forever!  Right then, my older sister walked past me on the dirt road in front of the trailer. (She had married Eric’s brother Stanley years before and lived on the land our parents developed and offered their eight children. Five of us were still on that street.) She sensed my discouragement, stopped and said, “Go in and make a home for Eric, or you will lose everything you ever dreamed of.”  A bit frustrated since my new husband was making the lowest salary allowable by law, I said, “With what?”  Her answer was profound, “With what you have.”

 

 A dream began:  if any wife has ever lived by the Bible, I will. And so, the process to learn what that meant began. 

 

Forty-eight years later, I smile at my idealism, yet somehow that determination solidified into hope: I would live by the Bible.  Eric and I had more to learn than we imagined, but now we have experienced that God is right.  He is good.  Through the years and trials we learned to work through disagreements and hurts. We are still motivated and have more unity than ever. Our three grown sons are successful contributors to the world around them. Eric retired after thirty-five years as a Logistics Manager for the Navy. The story of how his career started is amazing.

 

What happened between the beginning of our marriage and today, is the story of “Submission Is Not Silence”.  It is instruction that I have written to myself. More importantly it became my philosophy as I studied and learned what I believe the Bible says directly to and about women.

 

The Bible provides a dependable philosophy that guides every decision. It comes to life if you take it seriously, as it did for me. In desperation at first, I tried to understand it in black and white. It was cold on the page. But knowing God is always right, I let it deepen into my soul and spirit as I thought it through. Slowly it began to work for me as I put it into practice. It was becoming clearer in my head day by day. Where before I had thought that being a good wife meant the man made all the decisions, I was becoming an initiator toward Eric, more confident; it worked. When our marriage was hurting this guidance drew us closer.  

 

Why should it surprise me? God wrote it as the Handbook. “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” II Timothy 3:16. Sometimes it was clear guidance or mysterious instruction, I would live by the Bible. I would rub my nose in the dust if I had to. But that was not what the Bible taught at all. That way of thinking was like a slap in the face of God who created me in His own image, and to have “dominion over all the earth” beside my husband. There is a way: it is in the Bible.

A TRUE CHURCH

 April 11, 2022. Reworked from October 12, 2016 by Lizzie

Sometimes I wonder, “Where is a true Church?” Where is a group of Christians that believe, teach and practice carefully the way to a successful life? The answer will only be found in the Bible. Where is a Church where the bottom line is not numbers and money but the moving of the Holy Spirit in a humble, authentic congregation?

I read about a pastor who stopped in the middle of a sermon, “opened up the floor” to the congregation and never went back to sermons as usual. The people participated together by expounding from the Bible what they had learned. They shared testimonies of Jesus at work in their lives. They departed from the half-hour lecture that no one remembers once outside the doors of the church.

This is not just a bright idea, the format is in the Bible, 1Corinthians 14:26.  "How is it then, brethren? when you come together, every one of you has a Psalm, has a doctrine, has a tongue, has a revelation, has an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying."  This would be a powerful motivation for every person to grow, to deepen, to seek the LORD through Scripture for themselves…and then express this growth for all to be encouraged by.

The Churches we have visited lately are disappointing. The music is loud; my husband gets Vertigo, (it is dizziness and nausea when the sound is above eighty decibels). We have had to leave, walk out of Church services immediately. Neither my husband, nor I can worship sincerely when the decibels are high to the point of feeling it in the chest. The exhortation from Scripture, “Play skillfully with a loud noise” (Psalm 33:3) does not mean a threat to hearing loss.

More than loud music, we left one church we had visited for a few weeks when the pastor invited: “Everybody come to the Communion Table; it does not matter what you believe or where you are spiritually. Just come.” The last sermon we heard there was something like this: “I studied and studied to come up with a message about baptism, but I threw it all out. I will just speak from my heart…” Your heart, pastor? Your message was not even from the Bible!

Here is a prescription for a church which, oddly enough today, is described in the Bible:

“How is it then, brethren? When ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying.”(1 Corinthians 14:26)

STAY NEAR THE SHEPHERD 2

Lately, my hope that God is near and working in every moment in our lives, came into question. Can I, a faulty child of the Father, expect Him to answer every prayer?

 

Yesterday I was riding my bike home…there were six miles between me and home. The weather had reported “no rain” for the day, but it began to lightly sprinkle. I prayed, “LORD, please don’t let it rain (or lightening) until I get home.” It sprinkled on and off but did not begin to rain (lightly) until I was three fourths of a mile away. I walked into the house damp, not soaked. No lightening. Safe.

 

I asked the LORD the question, “How much do You desire to be involved, interactive with me?”

 

Then I read Psalm 23. He is my shepherd: I shall not want (by implication to lack). He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness…I fear no evil for He is with me…comfort is present…a table is prepared. He anoints my head with oil…my cup runs over…goodness, mercy follow me all the days of my life…I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever…

 

Yes. The LORD is interested in every day, every hour, and every part of my life. I wrote this Blog in 2019 and republished it, after a serious bicycle accident on December 21^st, 2021, this interaction with our Creator rings true. People, Therapists, an Orthoptist, our neighbors, and especially our children, have shown that the LORD is near and hears us day and night. Nahum 1:7 “The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knows them that trust in him.” The recovery process is still teaching lessons that are making Scripture come alive.

 

My sister, Char, called right after the accident telling me she was praying for my bones to heal when a song played on the radio about the dead, dry bones in the Book of Ezekiel in Scripture. God asked Ezekiel, “Son of man, can these bones live?” Ezekiel’s answer, “O Lord, you know.” Since then I have been smiling over that question and answer.  Can bones come alive and renew? “Lord, you know.” Keep close. Stay near the Shepherd.

YOU CAN RESPECT HIM

Every man has gifts because he is in God’s image. Abilities, giftedness is there; you can trust that it is.

 

My husband, Eric, worked as an electrician's helper when we first married; the pay was minimum wage and we lived on it about four years in a rented mobile home; our first two sons were born in those years. Work he did not know existed came to him just after our third son was born. Eric had a natural bent toward organization and Logistics. His education in secondary science, work as a Radioman on the U.S.S. Ponchatoula and now his interest in electricity all qualified him for a career in the Navy.

 

If it takes time for interests and gifts to come out, listen carefully to your husband day after day. Watch him with fresh hope and vision. Look deeper than the surface you will discover his strengths, his gifts. He will be very encouraged if he suspects you are seeing him this way. Passion can rise again; fascinating layers to his personality he may not even know are there.

 

Beyond his encouraged persona, you have hope, too. When you met and agreed to marry him, you saw something important and worthy of love and respect. With years of marriage, with the disappointments, you may have forgotten. But no matter what he has or has not accomplished yet you can begin again to believe.

 

Look and listen. Focus. A spark, an interest he demonstrates. Being closest to him, you may begin to recognize it! His uniqueness needs pride from you.

 

For the minute, forget the past, forget the attitude of anyone else and think just of yourself, him, and God! Once you “see” with spiritual eyes and you decide to encourage what you see in your husband, you may just make the difference in his future . . . and in yours . . . in the future of your world.

 

MOVE! …WHILE YOU CAN

It is power to move without thinking, with no pain, no real effort. If you are still in this place cherish and appreciate your power. My husband, Eric and I used to move quite a bit and then I had an accident on my bicycle a month ago. It was a hard fall that fractured my pelvis in two places and right clavicle. The process of recovery is slow and long.

 

When I married Eric forty-eight years ago, he realized the importance of moving, running to be specific. He bought a copy of Dr. Kenneth Cooper’s best-selling book, “Aerobics.” The plan presented in it was encouraging to begin and grow in. As he built his aerobic capacity jogging, he began to ride his bicycle to work. We were in our early thirties, and I did not want to be “left behind.” Dr. Cooper’s wife, I learned, wrote a companion book, “Aerobics for Women” a small paperback: it was a new beginning for me: it changed my life.

 

We had our first baby by then and lived in a mobile home rented from my parents. My sister, Char, decided to join me and we began walking one mile before daylight; then we would jog and walked, then finally jogged the distance.

 

My sister is still walking, five miles at a time in the town where she and her husband live. I grew in my interest too, continued jogging and worked myself into a position as an Aerobics Instructor at a local gym. By our fifties, Eric and I were lifting weights and jogging at a YMCA. Bicycle riding was our hobby. Eric read the Bicycling Magazines and we learned the traffic rules for biking.

 

That was then. Now we are in our late seventies. Eric’s hip replacement and colon cancer stymied his ability to get on the gym floor. Everything changed. I continued bicycle riding solo until late December, I ran into a fluffy bunch of leaves on a sidewalk, but it turned out to be a solid tree. I hit it hard.

 

A “moment of truth” for both of us: what is the plan now? In short, Eric and I are experiencing pain in our bones. His hip surgery and colon cancer, my bicycle accident. Without repeating a previous Blog, our future has taken on a new challenge! We are alive, vertical, we can move. But we are in transition: can we, at this age, heal and strengthen? Will our bones grow whole? Can we be strong and limber again? Move while you can!

 

Last night, lying in bed, a hopeful plan began to form. We can move. We will, by the grace of God, take on the challenge of growing as strong and healthy as the LORD allows.

 

The challenge from the Therapists is my challenge to you: “Move while you can! “

“What? Know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own.?” I Co 6:19

YOUR MARRIAGE IS PRICELESS: BE VIGILANT

It is one challenge at a time. One incident. One bout of discord, disappointment, anger. Unresolved and walked away from, the rift grows.

 

A marriage, cherished and preserved is worth the humility and initiative it takes to bring back the peace, accompanied by the satisfaction of restoring unity: it is love. This is not about a feeling, but a vision of God. His ways and means for keeping your marriage together work to preserve your household, (made up of whoever it may be).

 

“Humble yourself in the sight of the LORD, and He will lift you up.” James 4:10. And then there is this, from the Prophet Jeremiah to the most powerful couple in the Kingdom: “Say unto the king and to the queen, Humble yourselves, sit down: for your principalities shall come down, even the crown of your glory.” Jeremiah 13:18

 

There is a good and proper fear of God. It will give you caution if you are wise enough to stay close to Him. Through the Old Testament, repeated defiance of God, revolt from the mind and heart, turned the people of God into a scattered, lost nation. Will we learn? There is a way to learn, know the way of God, the Creator, Designer, lover of our souls. This is the God Who sent His Son, Jesus to suffer and die for us! Demonstrating his power, He rose again.

 

The antidote to disintegration of your marriage is keeping up with “I shouldn’t have said that. Please forgive me.”  “I made a mistake.”  “I was wrong.” “I love you.” “You are the best; thank God, I married you.”

 

It is one humble move at a time. The answer for not growing apart, is to fertilize, water and nurture growing together. Growing together is obeying the LORD. “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3:19. “The wife, see that she reverences her husband.” Ephesians 5:33. I wondered at the beginning of our forty-eight years, “What does reverence mean?” So, I decided not to question the reason, but make certain that I gave him respect, cooperation, to listen to him, not only just his spoken word, but his unspoken heart: because he was my husband. You can learn to “read” him…and you can be forthright with also “speaking” your own unspoken words.

 

Marriage is worth the exercise in humility as you preserve it one dilemma at a time. Your marriage, home and family are worth protecting and cherishing. When those you look up to and respect fall apart, you begin to understand the sorrow you yourself might cause when you do not.

 

Vision is gaining a clear picture in your mind of the vow to God and its meaning when you marry. Vision is planning to create the life you dreamed of when you said, “I do.”

A BICYCLE ACCIDENT THAT WORKED TOGETHER FOR GOOD

It was only a second of inattention on the bicycle, riding across a quiet street to a sidewalk I hit a protruding, “round ball of leaves” shoulder high. Though I had ridden this route for years, I discovered this day that it was not leaves only, but a sturdy tree hidden by the leaves. I had noticed and avoided the overgrown palmettos and oak branches draping over the sidewalk in this spot every time. This day, I did not.

It was December 2021, at three in the afternoon on a slight downward slope, I hit the hidden tree on my left side, the impact threw me on my right side; I fell to the sidewalk and a strip of grass: the right clavicle and pelvis hit hard and fractured. I lay there on the ground, stunned.

When I looked up a young woman was standing over me, her two young sons waiting in her car. “Do you have a cell phone?” She called Eric (who was on a “tracker” backup). Two Police Officers were there it seemed in seconds and stood by asking questions about how I felt, could I see clearly, did my head hurt? They stayed watch until the ambulance drove me away. Another man appeared who knew the neighborhood I live in and told the officers, “I know her, she rides by my Sunoco Station often. What Sunoco Station? I still do not know. The Ambulance arrived, a fire truck behind me, the police car all lights flashing. When the Medic asked if I wanted to go to a Hospital, I was not ready to make that decision. I asked the senior Officer, “What do you think?”  Ambulance medics answered my request to help me stand up…stood around poking to see where the pain originated. When they allowed me to try to stand alone, I would have collapsed, except that they were ready, I decided to go to the hospital.

This accident is only worth telling because I believe this: *“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”  That Wednesday was cool and sunny. I had been especially positive as I rode, filled with gratitude that I had a bicycle, a safe route, the ability, and freedom to ride. (This mistake was not stupidity; my husband had led the way years before by riding to work on a bicycle. He had read Bicycling Magazine, the rules and regulations, safety habits and he had bought me a bicycle like his when we were first married. We rode together and with our three sons for family outings.)  His hip replacement hindered him for now, so I decided to make bicycle riding a personal pursuit… until he could ride again.

God has our best interests in His plan for His people. What do I learn from this? This is a fresh experience in early 2022. When I rode, often I would pray, meditate on Scripture. I had prayed that day, “LORD, please give me stronger faith.” Then I remembered the disciples had made the same request to Jesus. His response was, “If you had faith as a grain of mustard seed, you might say to this sycamine tree, ‘Be plucked up by the root, and be planted in the sea; and it should obey you.’”  Lord, I have faith, help me to exercise it, apply it, believe You.

About an hour later, I was lying on the ground with two fractures. There is a sure promise, *“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” It does! It always will!

Can this be? I am glad it happened. It is opportunity to gain experience, to believe God: *“Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

Therapists, a designated doctor from the hospital, equipment sent home with me are new blessings. I do not walk right now, not really, but a wheelchair is an awesome way to travel the around the house. This is an effective way to know by experience what others go through

*Proverbs 3:6. 12; Luke 17:6; Romans 8:28; 2 Corinthians 1:4